Don't Let Me Down.

So Maybe, Just Maybe I'M The One Not Fit For A Relationship. Afterall, I Thought I Was In Love With My Ex. Then I Thought I Was Over Him Till I Got A Text From Him This Morning...Then Everything Came Back. And I Was Going To Text Him But Then I Thought It Wouldn't Be The Best Idea, So I Just Played Music Till I Felt Better..

Ugh. If There's ANYONE Actually Reading This, Your Thoughts On This Matter Will Be Greatly Apprciated.

-A.Marie

Wow.

So Being Myself, You Think I'd See It All Right?
Wrong.

So I Thought I Was In Love With This Guy, And I Know For A Fact That I DO Have Feelings For Him.

What I Didn't Know Was That The Crush I Thought Was Over I Had On A Close Guy Friend Was Far From It. I Set Him Up With Another Friend Of Mine, Thinking It Was A Great Idea, And It Would Be. I Thought It Was Great, But When She Told Me That She Was Sure That He Was Falling For Her, My Heart Plummeted. I Can't Explain It At All, I Believed My Heart Belonged To The Guy I've Been Complaining About This Whole Blog. But Gosh...I'm So Screwed.

Damn It All.
A.Marie

Sigh...

Never Thought I'd Feel So...Empty.

"Stay Gold Marie"

Ugh, What You Don't Realize Is That YOU Became A Part Of Who I Am. So I Cannot Maintain My Essence If I'm Incomplete.

I Hate This, I Hate How Each Day That Passes Slowly Seperates Us Further. I Hate How You Know How I Feel Yet, Nothing. I Hate How I Fell So Hard And So Fast Knowing It Wasn't Safe But I Still Did. I Hate How Everyone Was Right About You But I Brushed Them Off Because They Didn't Know Us. I Hate How I Saw This Coming And I Didn't Do A Thing. And Most Of All, I Hate That I Still Love You.

Oh Great, Tears Again.
A.Marie

Fail.

Yes, I Know It's Been A Few Days, Not Like Anyone Is Actually Reading This...

Anyway There's One Thing On My Mind, A Person Actually. We've All Had This Feeling Before I Know, I Just Can't Let Go. I've Tried, Multiple Times, And Each And Everytime Was Worse Then That Last. I Kind Of Wish He Could Just Tell Me "Look, It Isn't Going To Happen. I Don't Love You. Get Over Me, Move On, Forget The Past... Grab A Parachute And Jump Off The Sack" Then I Can Have Some Closure, But No. I'm Stuck In This Mindset That Somehow Everything Will Get Better And We Will Be Together Once More. Delusional, Probably. But Someone Once Told Me:

"If You Want Something, You Fight For It."

Plain And Simple. So Until He Tells Me To Forget About Him, I Will Continue On Loving Him. Or Whatever This Feeling Is Since Apparantly It Wasn't Love :(

And To Make Matters Worse, I Think He Has A New...Plaything. He Played With Her Before I Came Onto The Picture And I Think They're Back To It Again. And It's Hurts. Wasn't I Enough?
Wasn't I Worth Something? Did It Mean Anything?

There's Only One Song In My Head, Mostly Because The First Verse Explains How I Feel Right Now. The Song Is "Love" By Keysha Cole.


"I used to think that I wasn't fine enough
And I used to think that I wasn't wild enough
But I won't waste my time tryin' to figure out
Why you playing games, whats this all about
And I can't believe,
Your hurting me
I met your girl, what a difference
What you see in her
You ain't seen in me
But i guess it was all just make-believe

[Chorus]

Oh, Love
Never knew what I was missing
But I knew once we start kissin'
I found..... I found you......
Love
Never knew what I was missin'
But I knew once we start kissin'
I found..... I found you.....

[Verse 2]

Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
So empty
My heart, my soul can't go on
Go on without you....
My rainy days fade away when you,
Come around please tell me baby
Why you go so far away
Why you go...

[Chorus]

Love......
Never knew what I was missing
But I knew once we start kissin'
I found..... I found you......
Love
Never knew what I was missin'
But I knew once we start kissin'
I found..... I found you.....

Who would have known.
I'd find you.

Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
So empty
My heart, my soul can't go on
Go on baby without you....
Rainy days fade away
When you come around
Say your here to stay
With me boy
I don't want you to leave me
I need you.........

[Chorus]

I Just....Can't Get Over It. We Were So Happy, Then It Suddenly Ended. Seems Like It Was Only Me.

<>
A.Marie

...

Well, The Beach Was An Interesting Trip. Our Tire Blew Out On The Fwy And We Had To Ask Around For A Jack And Took An Hour, Then It Took ANOTHER Hour Changing The Damn Tire. Bright Side? Met A Cute Guy Named Jake, He Tried Helping And I Thought It Was Sweet, He Asked For My Number And I Gave It To Him. Teeny Tiny Step To Moving Forward Right? I Hope So...

Then We Got To The Beach And It Was Chill, Till I Got A Text...And From There My Night Steadily Got Worse. We Lost Our Friend Dylan, Well, More Like He Disappeared. The Couple Had Gotten Into A Fight, And I Had Got Rejected In A Way. I Don't Take Rejection Lightly. It Wounds The Little Self Esteem I Have. Anyway, The Couple Made Up And Half Was Drunk And Yeah, Did Something That Pissed Me Off. I'm Not Gonna Say Anything More Because It'll Give Away Who I'm Talking About Even If They Know I'm Upset With Them.

Once Everyone Was In The Car I Took Off In Search Of Dylan With The Keys And To Cool Down. Walked All Over The Place Called His Phone Nonstop And I Still Couldn't Find Him. So We Left. Not A Pleasent Car Ride Back. Needless To Say, With The Help Of My Three Guys I Can Go To With Anything, I Calmed Down...A Bit. But I Got Home, Tearstreaked And Angry.

Great Night...Smh.

Day 3

So Originally I Was Supposed Post This In The Wee Hours Of The Morning, But My Loving Drunkie Of A Mother Hijaked The Computer Last Night! Lol Now I Know Where My Limited Drinking Skills Come From xD

Anyway, Yesterday I Went Hiking At Batman's Cave. It Was Really Relaxing, It Gave Me Idle Time To Think About Stuff Without Actually Being Bothered. Besides The Obvious Thing On My Mind, I Started Thinking About My Life As A Whole. Schooling And Whatnot...I Still Want To Be A Nurse And I Also Want To Learn More Sign Language. And I Still Want To Go Live In Chicago. I Know For Those Who Know Me, That This Seems Like A Pipe Dream. But One Coach Of Mine Once Told Me,

"Once You See What You Want, Don't Let It Go. Keep Trying And Never Give Up."

Now I Assume He's Talking about Everything Else But Love Because I Tried That Approach, And Let's Just Say It Didn't Work Out. But Back To Hiking, The Girls And I Plan To Do It Once A Week, But I Doubt It Lol After Yesterday We Were All Dying. And Batman's Cave Changed Since My Last Visit, There Was A Little Waterfall On The Trail But When I Went Yesterday With The Girls, I Saw That It Dried Up. My Father Told Me That The Whole Trail Leads To The Griffith Observatory So That'll Be My Goal For The Next Visits.

When I Got Home, I Saw That My Bulls Lost. Got Many "I Told You So's", Totally Not The Business. Well, Like The Saying Goes In The WInd City, There's Always Next Year. Not Completely Heartbroken Because, Come On I'm A Cubs Fan, I'm Used To It :) But It Does Suck. I Wanted D.Rose To Have A Ring At His Current Age. Till Next Year, Now I Can Focus On My Cubbies, And Follow The Lockout More Closely...

It's Friday, Nice Day, But I'm Sure It'll Be An Even Better Night. Going To The Beach With My Friends Vee, Alex, Ish, Hannah & Mona. Kind Of A Double Date For Vee And I, Hopefully It Goes Well, This Will Be My First Attempt At Moving On. Fingers Crossed I Won't Mess Up Names Cuz That'll Be Hard To Explain Hahaha

Tommorrow I Might Not Write Anything Because I Shall Be Power Reading Since I've Been Lagging It And I Need To Finish By Sunday >.<

Well, Till Sunday Maybe,
A.Marie

Day Two :)

Well, I'm Writing This A Bit Earlier Then I'd Like, But Seeing How I Need To Go To Sleep, Earlier Tonight, It's A Given.

Today, Was A Really Chill Day, Found Out That I Can Actually Pull Off Something I Never Thought I Could Wear..

Then I Realized Something Else That I Didn't Want To...

"Believe That There's Someone Out There That Wish They Had A Girl Like You..."

I Just Wonder Why It Couldn't Be The One I Wanted Who Wished They Had A Girl Like Me....
But It's Life, "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" "Keep On Truckin'" And All That Good Stuff. Here's To Hoping I Can Forget :T

Having A Girls Day And Hiking Tomorrow At Batman's Cave, Should Be Fun :)

On A Brighter Notes, I've Brought Two Friends Of Mine Into A Relationship....Congratz Vee, Alex Is A Great Guy, Wish You Guys The Best<3

Game 5 Tomorrow For My Bulls, It's Win Or Go Home. Hopefully They Do Win.

Signing Off,
A.Marie

Attempt 2.0

So Seeing How My Last Blogging Attempt Was A Complete And Total FAIL. I've Decided To Try Again, Why You May Or May Not Ask, But I Desperately Need A Place To Put My Thoughts Without Being Biasedly Judged :T



Well... Not That I Expect Anyone To Read This, But Hi, My Name's Anissa Marie Martinez. I'm 18 Years Old. I Love To Read, Watch Sports, Dance, Drink, And Have A Good Time With My Friends :) I'm Really Easy To Get Along With, And I Always Believe The Best In People Unless They Give Me A Reason Not To.


So...How About Those Chicago Bulls? Even With The Game 4 Loss, I Say Bulls In 7. I Am An EXTREMELY Stubborn Chicago Fan. I Love The Bulls, Bears And Cubs. Yes, I Said Cubs (Lol) Don't Care Much For The Whitesox And I Believe The Feeling's Mutual :)

So Back To What I Was Saying In The Beginning, This Is Going To Be My Place Where I Put My Thoughts, If You Want To Continue Reading, Then I Should Thank You For Finding Me Interesting Enough To Follow And I Promise To Try My Best Not To Be Boring Lol

Much Love, A.Marie